Over time, several things have changed. Yet, the urge to raise boys into tough and dominant men has remained the same. But such an upbringing is killing them. It’s our collective loss when young boys learn to earn respect through dominance and violence. By telling young adults “not to act like a girl” or “deal with things like a man,” we’re teaching them not to embrace their feelings and instead be embarrassed and afraid of them. 

Toxic masculinity has become a danger to public health. Often, we see news stories about the violent acts of angry, depressed men. If you add the suicides committed by young men to the picture, it becomes clear how toxic the masculinity we are teaching these young adults is. But you can still initiate a change. You can raise young boys into friendly, respectful, and compassionate men. Here are some ways to stay away from toxic masculinity at home:

Choose Your Words Carefully

The words you speak as parents when your son gets hurt or reacts in a different way from others will impact him profoundly. Even if your childhood was spent in a home where you were asked to “toughen up” or “not be a girl,” you shouldn’t repeat such words when raising your son. You shouldn’t use such faulty language of the past generations and even discourage their use by your son.

Don’t Harden Them

It’s wrong to teach boys that being “soft” or having certain characteristics indicate that they’re fragile or not masculine. For example, boys with “soft” actions are often looked down upon as being womanly or gay, indicating these traits they possess are negative. This is an erroneous message to send to the boys. 

Often, boys are taught that power leads to success, and to become powerful, they need to display dominance or wield control over others. Sadly, this makes them think violence is the solution to exercising dominance, but you must explain how flawed this line of thought is.

Emphasize the Importance of Consent

You should teach your son to hold women in high esteem and emphasize that “no means no.” Young adults should also learn that their gender doesn’t give them the right to do anything. They should always ask and respect someone’s consent – be it at home or outside.

Encourage Them to Show Their Emotions

Boys should be encouraged to convey their feelings. They should cry, show enthusiasm, and put forth their emotions instead of keeping them all bottled up inside. You should teach your son ways to deal with emotions instead of hurting them with misplaced words like real men don’t cry. You should pay attention to your son when he is undergoing a turbulent phase or hurting and teach him healthy and effective coping mechanisms.

Toxic masculinity is ubiquitous, but we have only recently started discussing its adverse effect. It’s important to realize that masculinity isn’t wrong. But toxic masculinity is. And where it triggers dominance and violence that cause events like the “Me too” campaign, you can’t call it just erroneous – it’s extremely disturbing.