It is not for the faint of heart to raise children. It takes guts, fortitude, and a special kind of intuition.

Then your children misbehave, and it’s up to you to discipline them. Here’s an open letter I addressed to parents dealing with discipline issues.

Dear Parents,

I understand. Parenting is difficult, especially when you adore your child, as I know you do.

When you struggle with discipline, it’s easy to hate your child. You are not by yourself. Nobody enjoys the arguing, oppositional behaviors, or outright rebellion that can accompany child rearing. One of the most challenging tasks somebody can have is that of a parent.  However, there are better ways to parent.

What is your upper limit?

According to Linda Esposito, disciplining your child begins with your own discipline. Setting boundaries is what restraint entails. Someone in the household must be the grown-up and make decisions about what is and is not acceptable. If you’re the parent, that’s your responsibility.

This may entail establishing bedtimes or informing your children that cheese puffs are not appropriate for breakfast. It’s your home, and you get to set the rules.

Take note of the line you drew in the sand.

However, with rules come responsibilities. How willing are you to deny your child cheese puffs later if they eat them for breakfast anyway? You will have to impose consequences for any rules that your children violate.

If there are no consequences, your child may violate more rules just to see where your limit is.

Look for the bright side.

Children who are often exposed to the word “no” begin to disregard it. Rather than focusing on the negative, turn your child’s attention to the positive. “No cheese puffs for breakfast,” for example, may be rephrased as “Show me whether you can eat your cereal as rapidly as you eat cheese puffs.” Recognize your children with special praise if they do what you ask.

Allowing your youngster to choose between two reasonable possibilities is another method to generate positives. For example, suppose your youngster refuses to brush his or her teeth. “Would you like to wash your teeth before or after we go to the park?”

Maintain consistency.

It is vital for your success to maintain consistency in your disciplinary approach. It can be difficult to keep track of contradictory habits. Focus on a single behavior at a time to become consistent. Choose the most difficult action to begin with, then work on that one behavior until your child consistently achieves your expectations.

Keep trying. Don’t give up hope. Your children will not be children forever, but you will be grateful that you took the time to help them improve their discipline.