10 Best ‘MASH’ Quotes, Ranked
“MASH,” the iconic television show that blended comedy and drama against the backdrop of the Korean War, left a lasting impression with its poignant and witty writing. Here are 10 of the best “MASH” quotes, ranked for their humor, insight, and memorability.
- “I will not carry a gun… I’ll carry your books, I’ll carry a torch, I’ll carry a tune, I’ll carry on, carry over, carry forward, carry Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Ol’ Virginny, I’ll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun!” – Hawkeye Pierce
This quote encapsulates Hawkeye’s staunch anti-war stance and his non-conformist attitude, setting the tone for one of television’s most beloved pacifist characters.
- “It’s too big a world to be in competition with everyone. The only guy I have to get better than is who I am right now.” – Colonel Potter
Colonel Potter delivers this slice of wisdom that speaks to self-improvement over being in constant competition with others—a timeless message that transcends the show.
- “I do one thing at a time; I do it very well; and then I move on.” – Major Charles Emerson Winchester III
Charles Winchester’s elitist approach to life is humorously captured in this quote which reflects both his competence and his detachment.
- “The instrument has yet to be invented which can measure my indifference to that remark.” – Hawkeye Pierce
A classic example of Hawkeye’s sharp wit being used to disarm any moment of tension or disagreement without resorting to anger.
- “Jocularity! Jocularity!” – Father Mulcahy
Father Mulcahy’s catchphrase is always delivered with cheer and is emblematic of his character’s efforts to bring lightness and camaraderie to the hardships around him.
- “Ladies and gentlemen, take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice.” – Sidney Freedman
This offbeat advice from Sidney Freedman served as both comic relief and a philosophical suggestion to let go and accept life’s absurdity.
- “You save that man’s life today so he can go out tomorrow and save someone else’s. That’s what it’s all about isn’t it?” – Captain “Trapper” John McIntyre
A profound summation of the relentless struggle faced by the medical personnel at MASH; trying to make sense of saving lives in the midst of war.
- “I love it when you’re angry…you’re only two feet tall!” – Margaret “Hot Lips” Houlihan
A humorous observation from Margaret as she teases one of her shorter-tempered colleagues—exemplifying her growth from stiff military nurse to a more compassionate and rounded character.
- “War isn’t Hell. War is war, and Hell is Hell. And of all the people who go to Hell, some die unprepared without having had so much as a chance for any last minute scampering from shell craters or any chance at all in combat.” – Hawkeye Pierce
A heavy reflection from Hawkeye on the nature of war vs hell—highlighting his deep philosophical side amidst his usual quick-witted banter.
- “Sometimes you hear a bullet coming for you; other times you’re just surprised.” – Colonel Potter
Poignant words that chillingly capture the unpredictable nature of life and death in wartime circumstances—shaping Colonel Potter’s pragmatic view on life.
These quotes remind us why “MASH”